Scrambled eggs with asparagus and mandarine juice

Everyone hates a grandstander. You know the guy: arrives 10 minutes late to a meeting, dominates conversation, argues for the sake of arguing and has an opinion on everything. Mostly stuff they have no clue about.

I also like to call them time vampires. They suck the minutes from your day, using 20 words to explain a 5 word concept. I'm guessing their motivation is to hear the dulcet tones of their own voice. Meanwhile, I'm imagining climbing across the table and socking them in the throat just to. make. it. stop.

Before you quickly delete your Pretty Tasty bookmark and back away slowly from your computer, let me explain. My calendar, both personal and private, is pretty chockas. I spend my day running from one meeting room to the next and I naturally develop a little bit of hatred for people that cause me to run late. I do a good enough job of that myself.

So I like my meetings short and sharp. Get to the point, show people the courtesy of assuming they understand ideas without explaining every last point. The only exception to this would be when we're discussing our latest meal. Wax lyrical for hours. Tell me where you bought that hanger steak! You did WHAT with a an artichoke? I can hardly believe the size of that turkey leg! I'm captivated for hours and my responsibilities float away on a cloud made of Persian fairy floss and marshmallow. Rose flavoured.

This happened yesterday. About to launch into a quick meeting and a colleague mentioned her breakfast that morning. Steamed asparagus topped with orange juice and scrambled eggs. I was intrigued: I'm normally not into scrambled eggs. I find them just a bit too much. They're often loaded with butter or cream and the serving sizes just do me in. I'm more of a poached egg lady myself.

But the addition of orange juice? It could be either really great or bin-worthy. A risk I was willing to take, particularly in asparagus season. I'm in, feet first.

I had no oranges in the fruit bowl, so mandarines were a happy substitute. I gotta say, this recipe is now firmly in the regular rotation. The juice is subtle (if you go easy in the first place) and adds a nice background of sweetness to the fluffy eggs. And asparagus? No brainier at this time of year. If you want to up the fatty ante, you could sizzle some strips if streaky bacon. This soon-to-be bride opted out of that situation.

So my thanks to Sue for holding up our meeting describing this dish. It was worth the five minutes of running around and apologising at my next appointment. Though that could have been my incessant grandstanding. I never said I'm perfect.

Ingredients

5 asparagus spears
1 shallot
1/2 tbsp olive oil
2 eggs
juice one small mandarine

Steam asparagus until cooked to your liking. Slice the shallot and saute in olive oil until translucent.

In a small bowl beat eggs until yolk is broken up. Pour into the shallots along with the mandarine juice and stir to ensure they cook evenly. Remove from heat when mostly cooked but still slightly runny. Season well and serve over the steamed asparagus.

Vanilla cupcakes with mandarine curd and vanilla buttercream

My phone's been ringing off the hook this week. Every meeting I have, it rattles away, practically screaming to my colleagues "Meeting's over! Emma's got shit to do!" Emails, text messages and calls non-stop. It's a pity 90% of them weren't for me.

Some dude called Moses has been handing out my number to his pals at Uni. "Hey Moses, do you have notes from class today?" Or "Moses, it's Gary from bible studies. Do you want to get lunch sometime?" Fighting my every urge to mess with these innocent souls, I politely asked them to let Moses know he had the wrong number. Thou shalt not annoy Emma with your boring messages, bitches.

So on the surface, it would appear that this week, I've been quite the popular lady. While most of my messages weren't strictly intended for me, I did do something that would increase my popularity in the office. I've baked on more than one occasion and each time, the treat has been well received. Funny that: people go nutso over baked goods.

We had the chocolate and salted caramel cupcakes Monday, and to add insult the buttery injury, I whipped up these babies on the same day. I figure if I'm going to get the team to indulge, we may as well go the full banana/mandarine.

You'll notice these two recipes go a little further than your average cupcake. Anyone can whip up a batter and flavour some icing. We all know how to ram a tiny teddy or a jaffa on top. But sometimes it's nice to have a new trick up your floury sleeve to impress your pals. Like a citrus curd. Oh yeah.

You've had lemon curd right? Smothered on a scone or some plain old white bread. Pretty sweet and tart and we all know how I love a sweet tart, amiright fellas? Mix it up with mandarine instead of lemon and you're onto a winner.

Mandarine is not quite as tart as lemon, so a single raspberry on top upped those stakes to an appropriate level. Topped off with a rich, buttery icing and this cupcake was a refreshing (albeit indulgent) treat for all to enjoy. Well, the 12 lucky sods who got in first.

Ingredients

1 1/3 cups plain flour
1 1/2 tsp baking powder
110g butter
2 eggs
1/2 tsp vanilla paste
1/2 cup milk

Preheat the oven to 180ºC. Line a baking tray with cupcake wrappers.

In an electric mixer, cream the butter until light and fluffy. With the mixer going, add the sugar one tablespoon at a time until it is all incorporated. Add the eggs one at a time, mixing thoroughly between additions.

Sift together the flour and baking powder. Add half to the butter and mix on low until just incorporated. Add some milk and vanilla, then the remaining flour and finally the last of the milk, mixing between each addition.

Spoon the batter into the cake wrappers until around 3/4 full. Bake for approximately 25 minutes or until a skewer leaves the cake clean. Leave to cool on the tray until ready for assembly.

Vanilla buttercream

110g butter
3 1/2 cups pure icing sugar
1/4 cup milk
1/2 tsp vanilla paste

In an electric mixer, cream butter for around 5 minutes until light and creamy. Add half of the sifted icing sugar and the milk and beat for a further 3 minutes or until all the lumps have disappeared. Add the remaining icing sugar and beat for 2 minutes, whisking in the vanilla in the last stages.

Mandarine curd

2 egg yolks
30g butter
1/3 cup caster sugar
1 tbsp mandarine peel, finely grated
50ml mandarine juice

Whisk together the yolks and sugar until combined. Pour into a saucepan along with the butter, peel and juice. Over low heat, stir continuously until the curd has thickened enough to coat the back of a spoon. Remove from heat and strain into a bowl. Chill until ready to use.

To assemble

Using a melon baller, scoop a hole out of the top of the cupcake. Fill the cupcake hole with the mandarine curd. Fill a piping bag with the vanilla buttercream and pipe on top of the cupcake. Top with a raspberry and serve.